Why You’re Not Becoming Who You’re Meant to Be (According to the Four Hogwarts Houses)

For the first 30 years of my life in France, I had a very clear picture of what success looked like: graduate, get a job, get married, buy a house, have children, throw a nice car in there. That was “my” dream. That was the path.

Why? Because that’s what everyone around me was doing.

Then I moved to Miami for three and a half years, and something shifted. I met people living completely different lives - people traveling the world while running businesses, solo entrepreneurs who were thriving while taking it easy, people openly pursuing “unconventional” passions. I remember meeting Sam, a 21-year-old “kid” whose goal was to open a university because he thought the current educational system sucked. I was blown away by his ambition. He was already an entrepreneur, and had a big exit a few years later.

Meeting these people opened my mind. It allowed me to think outside the box, to see that life could be lived in many ways... and that it was actually available to me too.

This transformation made me realize something: most of us aren’t becoming who we’re meant to be, but we don’t even know why.

📸 I don’t actually read on iPad, but it looks better than a Kindle on the picture 😆

I recently stumbled upon a fascinating framework while reading Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality (yes, I’m reading Harry Potter fan fiction, thank you Ali Abdaal for the recommendation 😉). In one chapter, Dumbledore explains from each House’s perspective why people fail to become who they’re meant to be.

Each House offers a different twist, but here’s what struck me: there’s truth in all four of them. So today, I want to share these perspectives with you and dive deeper into what might be holding you back.

Hufflepuff: You’re Too Lazy to Do the Work

“People fail to become who they are meant to be because they are too lazy to put in all the work involved.”

Starting strong with the badger! Harsh answer, but... pretty true in my opinion.

I think we’re great at dreaming and setting goals for ourselves. We love to daydream about the outcome, what’s possible... but very often, this requires work, patience, effort, consistency, perseverance... and that’s when things crumble.

Here’s what I think: people want the finish line without running the race. They want the shiny object without doing the unglamorous work, without going through the process.

It can be laziness, sure. But it could also be that what people believe they’re meant to be isn’t THEIR true belief... it’s what they believe they should be based on societal expectations. Problem is, it’s hard to be truly motivated for a goal that isn’t truly yours at your core. Even if you might not see it... your subconscious is well aware of it.

The solution? Ask yourself who you’re meant to be, and why. Question it. Challenge it. Get crystal clear until you know this is what YOU want deep down.

Start here: Pick ONE goal you have right now and ask yourself “who told me this was important?” Is it truly yours, or did someone else plant it in your head?

From there, if it truly matters to you... you gotta accept that things don’t fall from the sky. You gotta work for it. Even if it’s uncomfortable… especially if it’s uncomfortable! That’s where growth is hiding. No one else can do this work for you. Take accountability for yourself, or future you might regret it.

Ravenclaw: You Lack Knowledge and Self-Awareness

“People fail to become who they are meant to be through ignorance and lack of thought.”

This one is very Ravenclaw! Let me break it down into two parts.

Lack of thought: I do think most people on the planet don’t spend enough time questioning who they are, how they became who they are, and who they want to be and become. Most humans roll through life, they sit in the passenger seat when they get to school, and they successively let others drive. Before it’s too late, they realize they hate most things in their lives and they wonder what happened.

So yes, lack of thought is dangerous. I think constantly asking WHY is a superpower. Question your beliefs, your thoughts, your actions, your choices... look at what you say vs what you do, what you think vs what you say out loud. The gap here is the gap between who you actually are and who you pretend to be.

Ignorance: I kind of agree with the raven here too. Adults don’t learn enough. The lack of knowledge can be a fatal blow, because it keeps you stuck in a situation which feels helpless. So many people live the same days, weeks, and months on repeat... they don’t actively look at what else is out there... what other options or possibilities could be available to them.

And it’s getting worse with social media algorithms. These days, if you show interest in something, you get fed more of it. You slowly build a bubble around you where you only see content aligned with your thoughts and beliefs - which were developed by this content in the first place. That’s why there’s so much hate in the world, so much “us against them” mentality.

This ignorance keeps too many people stuck: stuck in a career, in a relationship, or a location they don’t like anymore.

The solution? Be curious, open-minded, and proactive. Seek newness. Seek knowledge. Seek contrarian takes to challenge your current opinions.

Try this: Next time you catch yourself saying “I should...” stop and ask yourself “should according to who?” Most of our beliefs about what we “should” do aren’t even ours, they’re just narratives we’ve been fed.

Question and challenge what you believe, what you think, what you hear. It will offer new perspectives to you. And with new perspectives come new opportunities.

Slytherin: You Won’t Do What’s Necessary

“People fail to become themselves because they refuse to do what is necessary to achieve their ambitions.”

This is probably the one I’m least aligned with. Maybe that’s because I don’t like snakes, I’m not evil, and don’t want to become a Dark Lord 😂

I understand this statement in a few ways. “Refusing to do what is necessary” can be seen as the Hufflepuff statement about not being willing to do the work. But Slytherin probably also implies here that people are not willing to “get their hands dirty” and do whatever it takes to get what they want.

Jokes aside, I often see in my coaching that people struggle to make hard choices or set boundaries. Sometimes for things to get better, they first need to get worse... and that can be a tough pill to swallow.

What does “doing what’s necessary” actually look like? It might be:

• Ending a relationship that’s holding you back (or at least setting firm boundaries)

• Having uncomfortable conversations with people you care about

• Relocating somewhere new and starting fresh, even when it feels scary

• Going against the pack in how you live your life

• Taking a risk in your career that might not work out

Many never dare go there and instead stay miserable in their situation... never chasing their dreams and achieving their ambitions. Why? Often it’s because they worry about what people might think of them. Fear of judgment. Fear of being seen as too ambitious, selfish, different.

The solution? My interpretation here would be that sometimes, you need to accept that to become yourself, your true self, you might have to put some things on the line. People will disagree with you, because our society doesn’t encourage and support outliers.

This is something I’ve experienced myself... when I told my family I was planning to become nomadic and quit my job... the news wasn’t welcomed very well. There was backlash, disagreement... some relationships haven’t been the same since. But I didn’t care... I followed my guts and conviction and “became evil” because that’s what I truly wanted. I don’t regret it.

Gryffindor: You’re Afraid

Hermione suggested: “People don’t become who they should be because they’re afraid.”

Dumbledore corrected: “People become who they are meant to be by doing what is right.”

Speaking of fear of judgment, let’s dive deeper into that, because this is where most people really get stuck.

I’m going to admit here, Hermione’s answer is my personal favorite and the one I agree with the most.

Fear paralyzes people. Fear stops people from taking action.

Why? It’s not the fear of the action, the fear of becoming who they should be that’s stopping them. It’s the fear of failing, the fear of the unknown... and the worst of all, the most dangerous one: the fear of what other people think of them.

This is the true virus. We live in a world where people do things not because they want them, they do it to impress people... sometimes people they don’t even like. They put their true desires on hold to fit in, to feel like they belong in the mold of society, to be good citizens.

No wonder the number one regret of people on their deathbed is “I wish I had lived a life true to myself, not the one others expected of me.” It’s the consequence of that.

The solution? Understand that no matter what you do, people will always have an opinion about you, they’ll always judge. Some will like you, some will dislike you. It’s just how human beings operate.

Accept that, and let go of the need to satisfy everyone, it’s an impossible task. And if you’re going to be judged and criticized by some anyway... you might as well do it while being your true self, doing your best to become who you’re meant to be, pursuing your ambitions and dreams.

Start small: Do one thing where you know you’ll be judged, but the consequences are minimal. Try a new hairstyle, wear something different, pick up an unusual hobby. You might get a laugh, but nothing strong enough to really hurt. It’s a great experiment to prove to yourself that people’s opinions aren’t so important, and if people laugh, it’s not such a big deal. Then take it up a notch.

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The Truth? It’s All Connected

Here’s what I’ve learned: most of us aren’t dealing with just one of these. We’re stuck in a loop where they all feed each other.

You’re ignorant of what’s possible (Ravenclaw), which makes the work feel pointless (Hufflepuff), which feeds your fear that maybe this is just how life is (Gryffindor), which stops you from making the hard choices that could change everything (Slytherin).

Breaking free means picking one thread and pulling. It doesn’t matter which house you start with, once you start questioning, learning, acting, or facing your fears, the whole web starts to unravel.

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Question for you: What are your takes on those statements? Which one can you relate to the most from your personal experience (e.g., what is stopping you from becoming who you’re meant to be)?

PS: In which house do you think the Sorting Hat would have assigned you to? I think now-me would be a good Ravenclaw... but 11-year-old me might have ended up in Hufflepuff.

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Note: If you’re curious about the book I mentioned, it’s Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality by Eliezer Yudkowsky. It’s available free online and it’s absolutely brilliant.