The Regret of Not Living for Myself: A Personal Reflection
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
I recently came across a conversation between Steven Bartlett and Ali Abdaal, discussing Bronnie Ware's book, "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying." While I haven't read it yet, the most common regret expressed by those nearing the end of their lives struck a chord with me: "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
That really hit home for me—it’s something I’ve felt myself and seen in others around me.
I’ve met plenty of people in their 40s or 50s who aren’t happy with how their life’s going, but feel stuck—like they have no real control. A lot of them seem to be holding out for retirement, thinking that’s when they’ll finally get to enjoy life the way they want.
I’ve noticed that people over 65—once they’ve been retired for a few years—often start saying the same thing: “I wish I’d done more of what I really wanted, earlier.” It’s like retirement hits, and suddenly there’s this realization that they spent too much time living for others instead of for themselves.
Society pushes us to make choices that keep others happy, help us fit in, or just look good from the outside—even if it costs us our own joy. I’m grateful I figured that out in my 30s and decided to focus on what I actually want, even if it means going against what others expect.
I understand that this path isn't always straightforward, especially when faced with disapproval from loved ones. But I’ve decided to stick with what feels right for me and keep building a life that actually fits what I want. While it might be perceived as selfish, I believe I have every right to prioritize my own well-being and fulfillment. Of course, there are times when I must make decisions that aren't necessarily enjoyable, but I make them after careful consideration.
In life, we often find ourselves doing things for others rather than for ourselves. To navigate this, I recommend asking yourself what decision you would make if you were the only person on the planet. By eliminating the need for external validation or societal expectations, you can make choices that genuinely reflect your own aspirations and values.
A quote that particularly resonates with me is:
"We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one."
Let’s not waste the chance to live a life that’s true to who we are.