The One Question I've Never Been Able to Answer

Late 2019.

I was enrolled in a self-development program near Miami called Gratitude Training. The goal was to shed our self-limiting beliefs, embrace who we are, and show up more fully in our lives. It was one of the most challenging and rewarding things I’ve ever done. I made friends for life.

📸 Along the canals of Bangkok…

During one of the weekends, we walked into a room where chairs were lined up facing a small stage. Just a mic on the floor.

The exercise: get on stage, grab the mic, and answer a single question the room would ask you, over and over again.

“Who are you?”

If people didn’t feel you were really answering - if your words didn’t sound right - anyone could ask again. Any time.

I decided to go up.

Standing there with the mic, staring at 50+ people, I took a breath and started talking.

“I’m Jeremie. I’m a man. I’m a husband. I’m a son. I’m French. I’m caring. I’m kind...”

I kept going. Where I’m from. What I do. What I like.

The question kept coming back.

And somewhere in the middle of it all, I remember thinking: I don’t fucking know.

---

I walked off that stage more confused than when I got on it.

But something had been lit. A question I had never seriously asked myself before was now lodged in my head - and it’s never really left. That moment set me on a path of introspection and self-discovery that I’m still on today.

Years later, I still can’t answer it.

---

So let’s explore it together.

Are we our bodies?

It’s the most obvious answer on the surface - our bodies are what make us physically present in the world. But something about it doesn’t sit right with me. Our bodies carry too much impermanence. I read somewhere that most of our cells are replaced every 7 to 10 years. We change physically throughout our entire lives in ways we don’t control. If what makes us up is constantly shifting... can we really say our body is what makes us us?

I don’t think so.

Are we our brains?

The nerdy, rational part of me really connects with this. Unlike most cells, many of our neurons last a lifetime. Our brain develops as we develop, ages as we age. It stores our memories. Our experiences, choices, and actions physically shape it over time. It’s the center of our awareness, our personality, our thinking.

Does our brain contain our soul? That’s where it gets murky for me. But as the one constant at the core of our physical existence, this theory feels the most plausible.

Are we the things we say about ourselves?

That’s essentially what I was doing on stage. Listing labels. Roles. Adjectives. The bundle of things I associate with myself at any given moment.

But that bundle has shifted enormously throughout my life. What defined me at 20 looks almost nothing like what defines me now. So if what I say about myself keeps changing... what does that mean for who I actually am?

Are we our thoughts and actions?

We often hear things like: “you are not your job” or “it’s not because you did a bad thing that you are a bad person.” I’ve said those things myself, and I believe them.

Our thoughts are incredibly fleeting, they come and go within seconds sometimes. Can something that temporary really be the foundation of who we are? That doesn’t feel right either.

---

None of these answers fully hold up. And that’s what I keep coming back to.

Are we our identity - whatever that even means? The sum of our past experiences? A combination of body, mind, and something we loosely call a soul or consciousness?

We’ve solved extraordinarily complex problems as a species. We’ve unlocked scientific mysteries, explored the universe, built things that would look like magic to people 200 years ago.

And yet this question - the most personal one there is, the one every single human being could ask themselves - still has no clear, agreed-upon answer.

Maybe that’s because the answer looks different depending on where you’re standing. Culture, religion, personal belief, lived experience - they all shape how we respond to it. And none of us can really tell another person they’re wrong.

Maybe the answer isn’t even the point. Maybe asking the question is the point, because sitting with it is one of the deepest forms of self-exploration there is.

---

I’m not sharing my own conclusion here - deliberately. I don’t want my take to color yours. This isn’t a post where I hand you an answer. It’s an open invitation to explore.

So here’s my question for you:

If you were standing on that stage right now, mic in hand, 50 people staring at you - what’s the first thing you’d say?

Drop it in the comments, or hit reply if you’re reading this by email. I’m super curious to read what you would say 😁

J