I’ve been living in Thailand for a few months now... and the race I’m talking about... is learning Thai.
Not fluently, not perfectly - just enough to communicate with locals who don’t speak English. Enough to order food without my phone, to have a basic conversation, to not feel like a complete tourist in the country I now live in.
I have two apps downloaded on my phone. I haven’t opened either of them in weeks. I have YouTube channels saved. Haven’t watched a single video.
I want to get the medal... but I just don’t want to run the race.
And honestly? I’m not about to pretend I’m going to fix that anytime soon. The truth is, I don’t want it enough right now. I can always find English-speaking people here. Google Translate does the job. I know hello and thank you in Thai, and somehow, life goes on just fine.
I’m writing this not because I have a great success story to share, but because I think most of us can relate to this feeling.
Why We Never Actually Get There
We all have goals. Fitness goals, career goals, relationship goals, personal ones. Big ones, small ones.
But most of them? We never actually get there.
Not because we can’t. Because we don’t want to go through the process of getting there.
We love the destination. We just don’t want to go through the journey to get there.
I see this with myself, with my wife Rosie, with my coaching clients. It’s everywhere.
Getting fit. Meditating. Reading more. Earning more money. Starting a business. Having better relationships. We all want those things, or at least the idea of them. But they all require investing real time and energy. We love the outcome. We just don’t always love the process to get there.
One of the reasons this happens - and I’m sure you can relate - is how big the task feels. To learn Thai, I need to learn a full new alphabet (which is not easy when all the letters look like drawings to me at the moment), understand concepts I’ve never heard of like tones, and get comfortable being terrible for a very long time. When I compare where I am now (hello and thank you, basically) to where I want to be... the gap is so big it’s paralyzing.
So I don’t start.
And honestly? The real reason is simple: I’m not willing to make it a priority. Not with my time, and not financially either - I haven’t signed up for a class or hired a teacher. I’d rather spend that time and money on other things. That’s the truth.
Why Our Brain Talks Us Out of It
There’s something psychological about this. We’re actually very good at doing things when we have no choice. When our back is against the wall, when the stakes are high. But when they’re not? When we feel like we have time? It’s very easy to procrastinate.
If I went to the doctor tomorrow and they told me “change your diet or you’ll likely have a heart attack next year”… I don’t know about you, but personally I’d change my diet. Fast.
But if my cholesterol is just a little high and I feel fine... I’ll probably keep eating the same way.
Same thing with work. If I was jobless with no money coming in, I’d dedicate hours every day to learning a new skill or finding clients. But if I already have a comfortable job, even one I hate, I’ll probably not do much about it. Because complaining is easier than spending your evenings developing new skills for 3 to 6 months to change careers. I see so many people stuck in that exact situation.
Our brain loves comfort. As long as it feels safe, it will keep sending us signals to stay comfortable. It will tell us: “why would we waste time and energy getting uncomfortable for something we don’t even need?” And we fall for that, every time.
That’s true for fitness goals, career goals, language learning. That’s why New Year’s resolutions don’t last.
Without a strong enough why, our brain will win that fight every time. And we’ll end up on the couch, scrolling our phones, while our goals stay goals.
I know this firsthand, in both directions.
Back in 2010, I moved to Australia for an internship. I barely spoke English. Almost nobody around me spoke French. I had to figure it out just to find an apartment, survive at work, buy groceries. I had no choice. I was so determined that I actively avoided making French friends so I had no way out but to speak English all the time. I struggled for weeks. And I pushed through it anyway - because I had to, and because I knew it was going to be a great investment for my future.
Right now, learning Thai? I don’t have that. I can always fall back on English or Google Translate. The discomfort of not speaking Thai is not painful enough to make me move.
So What Do You Actually Do About It?
I think it comes down to two questions.
1. Do you actually want this, or do you just like the idea of it?
Be honest with yourself. There’s a big difference between genuinely wanting something and just liking the version of yourself who has it.
Because if you don’t want it enough, no productivity hack is going to save you. You’ll just keep downloading apps and not opening them. (Ask me how I know.)
If the answer is yes, you do genuinely want it, then:
2. How can you make the process more enjoyable?
Because if the path to your goal feels like torture, you won’t stay on it for long.
That’s actually why apps like Duolingo work. Instead of sitting in a boring classroom memorizing grammar rules, they gamify the whole thing. Small wins, regular progress, just a few minutes a day. The content is the same, but the experience is different enough that people actually stick with it.
Having accountability partners does something similar. Going through the discomfort with someone else makes it much easier to keep showing up. I’ve written about this in the context of solo entrepreneurs, and the same logic applies here. Honestly, that’s a big part of why people hire me as a coach too. Most of the time they already know what they need to do… they just can’t make themselves do it alone. Having someone in their corner to support them, challenge them, and help them navigate the hard parts makes all the difference.
The goal isn’t to make the process easy. It’s to reduce the friction enough that you actually start, and keep going.
And if you can’t honestly answer those two questions?
Maybe that goal just isn’t for you right now. And that’s okay.
Not every goal deserves to be chased. Some things look great on paper but don’t actually fit where you are or what you truly want at this point in your life. Letting go of them isn’t failure. It’s just being honest with yourself.
Right now, speaking Thai isn’t a real priority for me. Maybe it will be one day. But at least I’m not lying to myself about it anymore.
Is there a goal or ambition you’ve been holding onto that you don’t actually want enough to do the work for?
J
Well, I 'think' I want to learn Thai.. I do intend to take some classes, I do have some of the basics, but only time will tell. My sister on the other hand does something daily - even if it's just getting used to the sounds/tones. We'll report back. Khawp kun! 🙂